Meaningful conversations don’t just happen. Everyone’s default is to chat about superficial things. It’s much easier to yak about the weather than it is to open your heart in honest sharing.
Not every conversation needs to be heart to heart, of course. But every conversation should be uplifting, encouraging, and truthful.
Talking to new acquaintances that you hope to have a continuing relationship with-
If you are a member of a group and a new person arrives, ask yourself:
What does the new person need? Is this person feeling ill at ease? Left out? Wondering if they fit?
What gift can I give the new person? Can I make this person feel included? Valued? Welcome?
Why is the new person here? Can I help this person get what he/she came for?
Finding common ground: hoping I can say, ’Me, too!’ or, ‘I’ve been there’
Where does the person live?
Where does the person work?
Does the person have family?
Hobbies/Interests?
If you are the new person in a group, don’t wait for others to include you. Take the initiative to approach others. Show an interest in them as a person and in their role in the group. Introduce yourself and be honest about your need. If you need information or help, ask for it. Most people feel good about helping and it will provide an excuse for genuine interaction. But don’t be selfish, trying to get attention for yourself or just getting your needs met. Listen to others and try to think of ways you could give to them.
Talking to strangers that you won’t have a continuing relationship with-
Often we have just fleeting encounters with others, but we can put a smile on someone’s face with just a little effort. Your small kindness might change someone’s day. We have no idea the difficulties our fellow humans may be facing today. But a little genuine care can turn a light on in the dark.
Say you’re standing in a check-out line. You notice someone ahead of you has a fussy toddler. You may have time to only say one of these, but here are some uplifting comments you can make that will brighten the parent’s day.
Say something positive- Your son has such beautiful eyes.
Say something inclusive- We have six grown children. I remember the toddler years.
Lend a hand, if necessary, or encourage them that they are doing a good job- I try to engage the child by making eye contact, waving, or making a face to distract him so his mom can do the check-out.
Compliment- I can see you have your hands full, but you have such a good attitude.
Wish them well- Have a great day!
Talking to service/business personnel – waitresses, clerks, receptionists, cashiers, nurses, doctors
What does the person need? They need to be recognized. They’re not a robot.
What gift can I give the person? Give them eye contact. Genuinely thank them.
Comment on their situation- their workplace is busy/slow, cold/hot. Their workday is almost over.
Compliment them when appropriate- they are fast/efficient, pleasant to customers, patient
Further conversation when possible:
What brought the person here?
Are they eager to talk about their family? This is a painful topic for some, so be sensitive.
Finding common ground: places they’ve lived, schools they’ve attended, hobbies they have, places they’ve traveled
Talking to friends you have a relationship with
Think about the friends you like to talk with. What do they do for you? Why do you like to talk with them? How do you feel after the conversation?
Treasure every minute because they are often few in the busy-ness of life.
Ask about the last thing you talked about together.
Ask about their project/work
Ask about their family
Express gratitude for their friendship, acknowledge their contribution to your life
Share a happy event in your life
Be honest about your struggles if the friend is trustworthy. Don’t pretend that everything is fine.
Accept their advice or suggestions graciously. Thank them for their input.
Build trust by sharing with others only what they would want to be shared. Don’t gossip.
If they are spiritually minded, don’t hesitate to relate a recent experience when God showed up in your life. Listen eagerly to their God experiences.
I know my readers are kind, caring people who already do their best to follow the golden rule of doing for others what they wish to be done for them. This is just a small stimulus to spur you on in what you are already doing. Remember that the next generation is watching you model loving kindness to strangers and to friends. And we all know this hurting world needs more love and kindness!